look no pants
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
well you can't waste a boner
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
