apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
