We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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