he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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