Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
