You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize