I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
