i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
