I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
