My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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