Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize