Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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