There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
