Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
