my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
