Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
