How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
