i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize