I accidentally burped into my bong.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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