We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have tasted many bathrooms
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
