Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
