My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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