I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
