I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
