I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Is it because I queefed?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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