Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't turn off my feet"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
