Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
