is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
