I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The beer is more important than you right now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
