This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
