I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just found puke in my bra..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
