he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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