i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can't talk, ducks in the car
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
