I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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