i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
