Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
