It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize