please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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