Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
