He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
