Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So vagazzling was a success
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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