I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
