I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
