Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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