I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
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