All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
