last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize