My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
