she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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