Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
