His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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