As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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