I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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