i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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