How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
