I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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