you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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