before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize