Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
