the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
