remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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