there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
