His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
