I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
