If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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