I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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