8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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