OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
