She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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