Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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