i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
