Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
