turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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