We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
