you turned your livingroom into a bong?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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