I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize