Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Two words: blizzard sex
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Holy shit dude........stairs
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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